Friday, October 06, 2006

Boogie Nights!

Uh Oh... Ya Baby!

Whats up scumlandians, sorry to neglect you. I know your pussies are just DRIPPING for this one.

A few nights ago, the LA Scumbag and grumpy joe, along with a few friends and myself consumed lethal doses of clonozepam and went to the bar, Kibitz to be exact. Now first of all, going to Kibitz with the scumbag is like going to cheers with Ted Danson. Everyone knows the motherfucker. Bartenders defy physics as they pour a whole bottle of Jaeger in to one of those little glasses for him. The regular drunks amble up with smiles in hopes of getting smoked out. I think he might have even got some head from Kirsty Allie in the bathroom.

Now in case your some sort of gimp who never gets to leave his cage and you havent been to kibitz, then here's the rundown. It can be a cool spot when theres a cool crowd, but it can also be a little depressing when its just the regulars. Sometimes theres a cool band, and sometimes its your dad and his friends jammin out to some creedence. That night it was mostly regulars. So we headed across the street to a little spot that we dont usually frequent. The Dime is small, the crowd is mostly young and they've got some cute little dj chick spinnin the hits. They arent as hospitable as our friends across the street. Grung has no I.D. and needs to devise plans for undetected entry.

A ninja is always resourceful, and grung comes up with some fuckin Bruce Lee shit. Scum is on the inside locating a secret door in a secret back room. To signal grung, scum holds his trusty bic to a dusty alley window, and in the spirit of paul revere signals his brother with a flame. Grunge sees it and moves toward the back door. Now i dont know much about the fairfax alley crickeys, but they must be holdin it down because this back door that we found is actually two back doors - and they both have more locks then a rasta. They dont call him the scumbag for nothing, he undoes the first three padlocks like hes takin bras of off underage chicks. The next door is an even tougher challenge, its riddled with multiple locks and they are old and rusted. Scum handles it, and grunge is in.

I noticed the doorman when i walked in because he was throwing salt into our game. Hes just some random black dude with suit jacket and a trucker hat, and he thinks he is the shit. So anyway, he sees grungy comming in from the back and hes like fuck this little whiteboy. So grungy had to leave.

The Scumbag and myself find these random dumb sluts and we start freakin on them as a joke, but they took it a little too serious and we had to ditch out front pretty fast. (Now this is where it started getting fun). Generally clonozepam, diazepam, alprazolam and the rest of the -ams have a pretty love/hate relationship with alcohol. At first they make love in your brain and multiply whatever you drank by about 3. Then they fuck your body, and you start falling over... its kind of nice. I had about 4 beers, they procreated with the clonners making 12 beers and making me sloppy... But not as sloppy as the scumbag. We exploded through the doorway into a warm thursday night on fairfax, then we saw her. She was all alone, a cute little misguided indy rock girl with a black and white dress and some eyes that make you feel highs.

The girl definitely had some magic that i cant describe. Something about her. We all sensed it and started talking talking to this little nymph. I could sense that she was enthralled by our unusual behavior, and also that the scumbag was enthralled by her. I cant blame him, the girl was definitely special. So he gave her a big hug, but he couldnt let go. It was like when someone gets electrocuted and they start clutching whatever is shocking them... this girl definitely had the electricity. So by this point scum has attached himself to this girl and they are sitting on the floor of the sidewalk in front of the dime. I could sense some more hostile vibrations from the bouncer. So to ease the scene i say ,"hey scumbag, lets like go inside and like get another drink or something". But he didnt want to let go of the girl and i started getting kind of akward.

At this point im trying to pull scummers of of his siren, and he isnt letting go. Mr. Bouncer sees me and gets all in my face telling me to calm down and that im causing a scene. And so i'm like "What are talking about, im just trying to look out for this chick... my friend doesnt know what hes doing, you dont see this shit?". And hes like "i see you, dawg". So im like fuck this fool, im out. So my friend B and I are walking back to the car and Andy Dick passes us on the sidewalk. Out of nowhere he comes up and starts grabbing on my chest and trying to lift my shirt up. Im thinking to myself 'Wow..... this dude is seriously more fucked up than me'. So i let him play with my tittie for a minute and then i told him to fuck off.

Tuesday, October 03, 2006


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